The Sacred Hearth

One of the most upsetting aspects of Pagan life is the occasional (and sometimes constant) disapproval of those we love. Many of us find ourselves looking over the breakfast table every day at someone who is absolutely certain that we are insane, or at the very least, going to hell. Yes, marriages can break up over these things; children can be estranged from parents and siblings from one another. It is very telling, I think, that this subject has been brought up in divorce and custody proceedings.

Before you pull your hair out in despair, run away from home, or turn away from your chosen path, sit down, relax and think about this rationally. The key to family harmony is, and will always be mutual respect and tolerance. This means that yes, they should respect and tolerate your wishes and beliefs, but you must respect and tolerate theirs as well. Resistance leads to more resistance, as respect leads to respect.

Remember that whatever your family members or friends believe, they believe it just as strongly as you believe what you believe. Their belief is just as valid as yours, respect that and acknowledge that. Do not expect them ever to give you the same courtesy until you have done it first.

If they threaten you with hell, don't get upset. Remember, to a Christian, hell is the most horrible place imaginable. If you thought that someone you cared about was going to a horrible place full of torture and misery and would be trapped there for eternity, you would do your best to save them from that fate, wouldn't you? Try to understand this position and tell them you appreciate their concern. You are free to explain that you do not believe in hell, and tell them you’re your alternative belief is, but if they are not open to listening, don't push it.

Do not try to convince them that they are wrong or turn them over to your way of thinking. Not only will this only serve to exacerbate the problem; it is against the teachings of most Pagan paths. If they ask, by all means, explain things to them. But if they counter you with an argument against what you are saying, simply bow out gracefully telling them that they are free to believe what they wish, you are simply sharing, not trying to convince.

Many people, in an effort to smooth things over, will go underground with their beliefs, hiding them from friends and family, hoping this will decrease tension. This is a mistake. Dishonesty can only damage relationships and hiding what you're doing makes it seem even more like you're doing something dark and shady. You don't need to advertise it, of course, but the best thing to do is just to carry on as if what you are doing is the most normal thing in the world, which, for you, it is.

In the same vein, however, you should not try to flaunt your actions to people who disapprove of them. Be respectful of social norms and the sensibilities of those around you. If you have chosen a Pagan path just to shock people, then this article isn't for you anyway. But if you're truly dedicated to your path, there is no need to advertise it, because it's your path and not anyone else's business. There is no Pagan "look" there is no special way Pagans are supposed to act. Pagans are just people, who happen to be Pagan. If you're going to act crazy and dress crazy, you can expect to be treated like you are crazy. In which case, it won't be because you're Pagan; it will be because you are acting crazy.

Most important of all, you must set a good example by your actions. Remember that most people think that Pagans are baby killing sex fiends who do strange things to small animals. Show restraint, respect and love. Walk with Nature and express Pagan ideals in your actions more than your words. Eventually people who love you will come to see that Paganism reflects beautifully in you and they will come to accept it as part of the wonderful person you are.

Dawn Black is an up-and-coming Pagan author. Visit her at http://www.sacredhearth.com and look for Simply Magic: Beginning, coming soon to a bookseller near you. Dawn can be reached at dawn.black@gmail.com